This weekend I took Reilly to Cape Cod to visit Cody and Cleo and Laura who are house sitting. I did not want to take Sage to a strange place where he would feel stressed out and reacty. Additionally the house has a cat and both of my dogs being highly predatory, I thought it woudl not be relaxing if I had to manage both of mine. Rei andI had a good time, and while I felt a little guilty leaving Seiji, and he did miss us, I think it was good for all of us.
Dogues running on the beach
I spent some time thinking about how much is too much and how much adventure Reilly needs at her age and nature. How much socializing is right for Sage and how much is just too tough to take? My trainer Marjie is right that my dogs have it awfully good with hikes in the woods and friends and all that we do together, and while I love hikes and walks and dog adventure, I have been thinking it would be sad to take all that away from Sage.
But I can see his stress expressions now, and I believe him when he tells me he is anxious. (Part of knowing him is learning his communication and no less important is believing him, and being his friend means saying, “I hear you and we’ll leave right now.” instead of “quit bugging me, go play, you’re fine.”)
Is it doing Sage any favor to keep bringing him to the field if it is partially fun but partially terrifying? If we both have to worry about what dogs are those coming? Even if he can handle the scary stuff most of the time, is it worth him having to work at it so much? Would he be happier if we spent the same time each morning playing together in the yard? He would feel safer and have fun free from fear. Connection with me is what he loves best anyway. I think if I asked him he’d say that he’d be willing to give up regular forays into the world for more Frisbee, fetch, find it and digging in the yard. I think he’d say he has Reilly and his cousins and his neighbor Timber and he doesn’t need so many different friends if he feels vulnerable and defensive. He hates to go reactive. If we take hikes with Pete and Cooper once in a while, see Cody and Cleo, have Timber over to play, visit the little dogs on the street and all the kids in the neighborhood, he will feel safe almost all the time and still live a very social and rich life.
Sage's Close-up
Am I “giving up” on rehabilitating him? that’s what I am afraid of. But what if I have done as much as can be done? what if 80% is the best that can be done with him? We can’t ALL be golden retrievers. Then I am- as Laura says- beating my head against the wall, blaming myself, blaming him, and keep thrusting him into situations I want him to proof against.
I can still take Reilly to the Field and sometimes Sage but I don’t need to feel as though I am depriving him of an experience he isn’t loving anyway. No dog park needs more dogs who would rather be somewhere else. So this week I am taking completely off. I want to see what happens if Sage doesn’t go anywhere. If he is happier or if he seems to need more. Rei just had a big weekend at the Cape and lots of exercise, so she is not under-exercised at all. Let’s try out the idea that Sage is a Momma’s boy, a homebody, a guarding breed who is happiest at home. And instead of feeling bad that he doesn’t love ALL dogs, let’s realize he is one of the many, MANY breeds in the books that say “doesn’t get along with other dogs.” In fact, he has many friends for a Japanese dog, but he is not a politician.
He was born and raised with baggage I can’t heal or remove, but now that I understand and believe him, I can accommodate and keep him safe and happy. Being a great dog mama doesn’t mean the same thing for all dogs, and I think my whole family will be happier if I can do right by what Sage has told me. And I like him just great because he is NOT a golden retriever.
Tags: Cape Cod, dog trainer
