Jesse is a big black retriever with long soft hair and a little white patch on her belly. I have been walking Jesse for a year or two when her family is working long hours. Because she is afraid of thunderstorms, I have also gone up to administer her thunder medicine when her owner has called me. Jesse’s mom is a veterinarian, and a solid science one at that. As Jesse was living with Addison’s disease I would type out a text message to her owner after our walks that would say things like “Peed x2, poop- a little soft.” and this was part of our deal.
When I began walking Jesse, I went up to her house and her owner told me all about her, what’s normal, where to walk her, where never to walk her and what she’s reactive to (rattley trucks and certain dogs “I tell people she has Asperger’s,” her owner joked). Her owner knows my dogs, and has frequently remarked how good I am with Reilly (it’s really almost all Reilly’s nature though- very little me) and she knows how I have struggled to work with Sage over the years. She felt comfortable with me caring for her dog, knowing I understand dogs well. They were always monitoring her digestion, and Jesse was not allowed any treats- only dry crackers like goldfish or pretzels as a reward for pooping promptly.
The first day I went up to visit Jesse alone and walk her, I spent much time getting to know her. We played and wandered in the yard and I gave her a pretzel for completion of duty. I put her back in the house and refilled her water dish. She lay down, so I sat and patted her, and she sighed and relaxed and I rubbed her tummy and stroked her mane and ears. As I watched her face, soft eyes, gentle breath, completely soft body- I saw her lip curl up exposing her teeth. I thought- I don’t know her well, and remembered how cats will sometimes suddenly snap at you while you are petting them. But she didn’t, every single aspect of Jesse was soft clay, except that tiny sneering lip. I kept petting her and she held her lip up like that. When I stopped and stood up she got up and wagged and turned, delighted.
Back home, I texted her owner with the poop and pee report, she wrote back Thanks, and I replied about the eerie lip. “Oh, that’s her SMILE! You’re family now!”
Understanding each other, I walked Jesse as needed and on short notice and always texting back how she was doing. She never had a reactive episode on my watch, but her owner carefully requested our walk times at quiet times as we who have reactive dogs must. Sage and Jesse were reactive to each other, Jesse having a longer threshold than Shortfuse Sage- although as noted in this blog, the last time he saw her, he only watched and did not react. I still owe him that steak…but despite them being each other’s triggers, I know both of these dogs independently and they are great dogs in their own contexts. Sage is my love, Jesse was my friend.
I left for Pennsylvania on Sunday and returned on Wednesday to find messages for me that Jesse had been very sick, vomiting and feverish and was hospitalized a day or two before her owner learned that she was not going to get better, xrayed for a tumor, and euthanized her herself. I will miss Jesse, and I feel sorrow for her owner, and I try to imagine how hard it must be on a veterinarian to diagnose, care for and euthanize their own dog. To feel that you are supposed to be the expert, the good scientist, and the powerlessness of the doubt in science and protocol, and loss. Jesse was a happy, lucky dog who was loved and understood and accepted, she lived in the right family. Jesse was abandoned by her first owner at the vet’s office, and my neighbor-vet took her home. Her family accepted her eccentricities and were uniquely able to monitor and maintain her health when in the last year she developed Addison’s.
I feel very fortunate to have been allowed to help care for her and to be her friend. We shared many jokes - she was hilarious about walking along and then suddenly diving on the grass and twisting back and forth on her back “this feels so gooooood!!” and I’d call her Miss Jesse Black- for no other reason that I enjoyed walking with her and we were funning, and she was a black dog. Good walks and tummy rubs and games when I visited her. I will miss her.
