After 11 years of being Mostly Mom and Chrystal Enough to make a bit of an illustration career, I am going back to work for someone else Wednesday. This will be different for all of us- Raye will go to Afterschool Program till 4:30 instead of coming home to have snacks with me and chat about her day, I will be away from home and studio for several hours a day, and Jeff- well it wont be very different for him, except that he will be more relaxed since we will have a consistent income out of me. The cats won’t miss me, I worked when they were young, before Raye, and they were fine. But I have worried about the dogs. I have been constantly around for all of their lives.
In Reilly’s first 5 years, our day began with 2 hours or so meeting a group of 6-8 people and up to 14 dogs and walking around the hayfields and woods together (Plus other variable dogs and people in other group of walkers) I was afraid to give this up when Sage let me know that what’s true for him was that this was WAY too overwhelming and he could not maintain it, so I gave up bringing him, then gave up going weekends, then gave up the field, then gave up going most other days till I was taking Sage once a week to meet two friends and 4 dogs, and other days taking Reilly by myself to the woods alone, or just doing yard play. I have asked myself if I had not gotten Sage, if Rei and I would still be revolving around the hayfield with everyone else, but we wouldn’t be- we still would have left with Kevin, Kathy and Karen, and policies at The Field have had to change due to a tremendous increase in usage: off-leash use is limited now to one section, passes and registration required. Plus we moved to Vermont, so I can;t feel bad about denying the dogs anything- it would have changed anyway.
Furthermore, all I was denying Sage was a tense, crowded experience and an asskicking by any other tense dogs who werent having a good time, either and whose owners were checked out. Who needs that? I worried too much - still do- about providing enough/appropriate good times for the brindles. Here at the new house, we don’t have dog playdates, meetups or group anything anymore. I can say for sure that I miss these things more than the stripeys do. When I recently took Rei for a dog walk with my neighbor and her two dogs, Rei hung back and looked at me as much as to say- Why are we walking with these dogs? I just like to walk with YOU. (Like owner, like dog…) I know she doesn’t feel she is missing anything.
So now I take Rei on any long hikes or explores once or twice a week, and Sage gets a forest walk with Rei and I a few times a week. Both get yard play with me in the afternoon and a quick leasher before bed. Sage still balks on certain leash walks, but he is overall improving in his responsiveness to me when in the past he would tune me out during reactive episodes and just become a wreck. Reasons for his improvement are a whole nother post or 3. The point is that they don;t need as much as I thought they do. Age has something to do with it, but also individual personality and environment (expanding more later on that too). For Sage in fact, less is more- he is an inverse dog.
It is with Sage’s inverseness in mind that I don’t feel terrible leaving them alone as I go back to work. Work will establish a new, much more consistent routine for him. He will be left alone for several hours with no interruptions, and it will be the same 5 days a week. I think about someone with sleep problems, who can never get a solid sleep in and how it affects them in touchiness, and patience. I predict that his new schedule Sage will only get better. He will know what’s happening (or NOT happening) each day. My schedule allows me an easy hour or so of dedicated dog-time to walk in the forest in the mornings, or build snow forts in the yard with them, or frisbee, or tug etc. between Raye’s bus and my having to leave. Whatever feels like the right amount.
So with a reactive dog, like Seiji, I must ensure that he is not reacting to environmental patterns while I am not here to guide him- this is especially important in light of our recent progress turning the wheel again, so I am determined not to lose too much ground (any ground, if I can manage that ideal). Though a lot of features of this house make it easy to limit his exposure (yet another post for another day), I am planning to gate Sage in my art studio while I am at work. Reasons why this will work include- he cannot watch anything out the windows except forest from the studio’s big windows, his hiding place when frightened is under my desk there so it is already established that he seeks comfort there, he will not be influenced by Reilly if he is- as I suspect- subtly intimidated by her from utilizing any chew toys. If this IS the case, then it is my hope that w/o Rei in the room he will begin to self-pacify with chewing. The Boy likes to chew, but only if I am holding the toy or if Reilly has gotten bored with the toy first and leaves it. I think self-pacification is one missing ingredient in his overall stress recipe.
Two couch gargoyles.
Here’s why it might NOT work- IF he misses Reilly, or IF he feels better hanging out up on the couch. I think Sage is more comforted by the companionship of Loki the cat than Reilly. I would previously have said he LIKES guarding and watchdogging, but I am now questioning whether it gives him satisfaction to do so, or if he feels compelled to out of anxiety and would feel relief if I made it clear that this duty was not required of him, that Reilly will take care of it if I am not here to take care of it. Not Your Job. In the studio, he cannot watch the road. In effect, what I am doing by gating him in the studio is tantamount to crating him. He doesnt like an actual crate in the house, but all clinical signs indicate he *should* be a great candidate temperamentally for loving a crate, except that he doesn’t. Maybe he’d like a bigger crate than the one we have but in essence, the studio will be a Bigger Crate.
After a week or two, or three, we’ll see how he seems and determine if gating works better than loose. In here, he can have chews and Kongs that Reilly wont take away or pressure him about, he has a new kuranda cot under the desk which he likes, and if he feels like being UP, he can curl on the big soft readin’ chair. I think I might have guessed right on this one, and I feel good about going to work knowing he is calm at home, and that he had enough action time before I left. Unworried Mama = better for everyone, if nothing else!
